You're an expression of greatness
I’ve been silent for a few weeks because I’ve been grieving. A very dear friend of mine died by suicide at the end of August, only a week after his 60th birthday.
As you can imagine, it came as a shock.
None of us knows when the end will come or how.
He was a sweet, kind, and loving human being. He was also incredibly successful as a businessman and a community leader; generous, creative, and bold, and beloved by many, including his partner of nearly 40 years.
But the external success didn’t translate into inner peace.
It never does.
While there is a world to conquer outside of us, there’s also a universe within. Only when the inner universe has come together will the outside world do the same.
My reaction to this loss was to get angry, to shut down.
That’s a natural response.
I also had a lot of questions. Mainly, why?
And how come I haven’t done more to help him?
All this was especially jarring because only two and half months earlier I wrote about suicide; I also talked to him about it. We had both been there. He thanked me for being courageous and talking about my own experience with suicidal thoughts.
Not in a million years did I think he could ever be next.
Depression, as he shared in the last letter he wrote to his partner, is like a dinosaur sitting on your heart.
Sometimes, you see no way out, he’d said.
While I believe there is always a way out, and I hope you do, too, and will seek out help should you ever need it—and keep seeking it out until it arrives—I also came to accept that my friend’s life had to end this way.
During his funeral service, I came to understand that he had emptied himself of all possibility. He had nothing else left to give and it was time to go.
His life and death have left much wisdom, so I wanted to share a few drops of it with you:
The most important task in life is to work on yourself. If you’re suffering, don’t ignore it. If you’re numb, don’t ignore it. If something isn’t right, don’t ignore it. There’s no shame in imperfection or in suffering; indeed, our purpose on this earth is to advance, grow, and perfect ourselves.
Ask for help, and don’t stop asking until it arrives. Sometimes, it takes time before an answer appears, but it will appear. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Even if healing takes years, it’s worth it. Be patient with yourself and with life. All will reveal itself in good time.
Love is always and forever the best answer. Tell people whom you love that you do so, and mean it. One of the ways his premature departure was made easier for me is because I had told him, only weeks before, how much he meant to me.
Live authentically and joyfully. One third of people will love us no matter what; one third will hate us no matter what; one third will be indifferent. That first third is what matters.
Acceptance is how we find peace. While we all wish things were different, we were different, the cards were dealt differently, to ease suffering, we have little choice but to accept what is before us. It may hurt, and that is ok. Time heals all sadness, especially in times like these, when we know that those who are no longer with us are smiling from among the stars.
Never forget that whether you believe in God, Energy, Universe, or whatever, you came here for a reason, you are an expression of greatness, and regardless of your circumstances, never forget that you’re worthy and deserving of endless, unconditional, and everlasting love. Demand it.