100% + 5 Questions to Help You Get There
Each of us has our own 100%. You have your 100%, I have my 100%. Are we giving the 100% or settling for less?
We hear a lot about equality, especially in relationships. We want to be fair and square, go in 50/50.
This is a noble endeavor. But what happens when my 50 is less than yours?
This often leads to lopsided situations that are frustrating at best and toxic at their worst.
It’s frustrating to feel, for example, your partner could do more but they don’t.
That feels unjust.
It’s infuriating to feel you’re giving it your all, while the other person isn’t.
That feels unfair.
They’re not meeting you “half-way”.
Is it because they don’t love you? Or because they want more power over you?
This idea that we should play tit-for-tat, compare and contrast, and seek to create an artificial balance isn’t healthy.
It’s a product of scarce mentality and fearfulness.
It is a recipe for victim mentality.
But what happens if we give our 100% — all that we’ve got on any given day?
This 100% changes daily based on a myriad factors.
But what stays constant is that it is 100%.
It’s all we have.
That constancy allows us to relax.
As a giver, we don’t have to worry about power, dominance, or “being taken advantage of”.
We give freely.
We enjoy the experience.
We do it because of the experience.
There’s no fear.
As a receiver, when someone gives us all they have on a regular basis, we learn to appreciate them for who they are and manage our own expectations.
This leads to greater satisfaction.
We also feel appreciated in return.
We choose to give our 100% not because we expect others to return that to us, but because 100% means we are living a full life. Not half a life.
Let’s say for a moment you and I are in a relationship.
I put my 100% in a jar, you put yours.
My 100% today might be $30. Yours is $60.
What’s more fair? That we each put in 100% or that I put in 100% and you put in 50%?
My $30 today is less than your $60. But it’s all I’ve got. Today.
In a week, it might be $30,000,000.
Would you rather have a relationship with someone who watches how much you put in so that they can match you, or someone who gives their all?
The former is a power-based dynamic that has a shelf life; the latter is a genuine, equitable dynamic.
This translates to all relationships, whether personal or professional, and to life, in general.
Take another example.
You’re a co-founder of a business. You are giving the venture your all. Your business partner, on the other hand, wants to be “fair” and gives 80%, because that 80% matches your 100%.
How does that make you feel?
Are you in the venture together, to win, or are you in it to compete with each other?
The former stems from confidence, the latter from insecurity.
Each of us brings a unique set of talents. Comparing and competing with others diminishes them.
The only race we ought to be in is the one with ourselves. How to improve every single day?
And then, give all of it.
Our life isn’t meant to be lived half-way.
We are meant to come to the end of the journey empty of all possibility.
That’s the essence behind the concept of following our own bliss.
Sure, each situation is different, and we all have examples of having been taken advantage of.
And that sucks. And it is unfair.
Yet, if we give our 100% and do so freely, even if no one ever returns the favor, we know we have lived 100%.
Isn’t that a reward enough?
And if you believe in the idea of karma... sooner or later, your 100% action will cause a 100% reaction.
Finally, here are 5 questions / thoughts to help you assess whether you’re being and giving 100%:
(1) Review all your personal relationships. Are you giving your best? If not, why not? What’s stopping you? Do not tell me “the other person”. As we’ve discussed, you give your 100% because you want to give 100% regardless of what anyone else does or doesn’t do.
(2) Take a look at your work. Are you giving it your 100%? Do you not like your boss, so you’re not motivated to do more? Again, is your work your boss’ or yours?
(3) What are the things you are not getting in life? Are you doing your 100%? Or are you making excuses?
(4) What stories are you telling yourself about how unwise it is to give 100%? Are those helpful? Ok, maybe they give you a (false) sense of safety. But are they really helpful? Seeking a sense of safety means we’re afraid. What do you fear?
(5) Can you come up with one thing you will do every single day that will encourage you to be more 100%? For example: get more rest, eat healthy, express emotions freely, write 5 things you’re grateful for, set up a reminder to ask yourself — am I being 100%?, etc.
This is more than five questions, but I really hope it will get you thinking on how to live more courageously, more freely, and 100% YOU.
No excuses, no regrets.
Please tell me what you think of this post, if it’s helpful, and if there are other topics you’d like me to tackle!