As a life and leadership coach, I sometimes get asked: why should I change and grow?
Why should I put in the hard work of digging deeper to uncover the shadows of my soul and my unconscious, or become deeply uncomfortable at times and even break off certain relationships, or risk rejection and failure, or loneliness, abandonment, and pain?
Change can be hard, why do it?
Because change is growth and, in my estimation, growth is essential to living a fully-realized human life.
But here are several arguments for and against this belief:
While many of us would agree that, when all is said and done, love is always the best choice and that we should all pursue it, there comes a question of mastering it. How do we reconcile the complex human nature, the external pressures, the internal fears, and the simple human condition of egotism in order to find and keep love?
To achieve our highest potential, we need love. Unconditional love. Authentic love. We need the other. An experience in which two wholes intertwine.
The founder of positive psychology Dr. Martin Seligman of the University of Pennsylvania offers a similar claim. His research over the last few decades has shown that most happy people tend to be in a genuine, committed, loving romantic relationship. It’s about investment, companionship, friendship.
Studies show that we are programmed within the first seven years of our life.
Those earliest experiences and lessons, while they initially form 95% of our original beliefs, are not necessarily who we are or what we need to be happy and successful. They can’t be, because at seven years of age, we have little awareness of ourselves or understanding of the world. Indeed, we derive our understanding of the world through the lens of our caregivers, usually our parents. So, whether the world is a wonderful place full of opportunity or a scary bastion of challenges depends not upon reality or truth, but on our primary caregivers’ perceptions and their filtering of information back to us.
Last time I wrote about death. Doing so brought another question to mind: why is it that, even though we know we're all dying, and our awareness of mortality can in fact inspire courage, many of us still only seek safety? We are even willing to, and often do, settle for less in life only to be safe.
There are online calculators that can predict how long you have to live. This may sound morbid, but very few things can motivate us and give us the courage to live authentically like the knowledge that it will all end very soon.
One of those calculators predicts that I have 16,005 days to live.
That's ONLY 16,005 days!
But I am not afraid of dying ... I am afraid of not having lived.
What will I do with this one wild, precious life of mine?
Everyone is talking about making changes in form of New Year’s resolutions even though most of us know, and data shows, that most of our “resolutions” [will] fail. The issue isn’t with setting them, but going the right way about achieving them.
Change can only happen with the right attitude, so here are 5 key ingredients you need if you really want to make things happen...
In reflecting on the passing year, I am reminded of the paradox of life: to have a lot of good, we must experience some bad moments, too.
2018 was a challenging year.
Don’t misunderstand me. There were moments of pure joy and bliss, unexplainable sense of freedom, intense passion and delight, professional success, and a lot (lot!) of personal growth and transformation.
But then again, this past year also brought heartache, loss of friends, health issues, clients who didn’t pay, and other situations that challenged me to my core.
There is no way around this paradox except by looking at all these experiences, challenging and delightful alike, as tremendous opportunities for growth.
Indeed, it's this growth I wanted to talk to you about today.
2018 taught and reaffirmed three invaluable lessons.